Its been a very, very good week.

In other news I got the results of my first post-treatment viral load and it’s back already, which wasn’t the news I was hoping for but to be to honest entirely expected.

I have a few decisions to make but I need to let a little time pass so that the emotions can settle, I like to make decisions cold. I’ve thought about about it almost constantly, can hardly sleep, feel a nagging pain in my stomach. I really don’t know how much longer I can hold out so I have made a plan of action; I’m going to wash it 1/2 a dozen times [they make them slightly bigger to allow for shrinking], make sure it’s still the perfect fit and then order lots more!

Here is your usual picture, taken just yesterday and showing the shirt in its full glory.

I’ll be trying to pull together a post over the next few weeks on the whole 72 treatment gig, the highs, lows and the sort of middle sized bits. Until then your inspration for this week…..

“On my tombstone just write, ‘The sorest loser that ever lived.’”

Earl Weaver

Keep the faith and then after 72 weeks of kicking its head in take a rest, come back strong and kill the virus.

Apart from that busy catching up on some stuff, inevitable really after a period of less than optimal performance. Then of course we have the wait for the first viral test results, which I had yesterday. The liver function test showed my ALT at 68 [range 0-40 but true normal about 25], which is not far off my average on treatment, I’m taking that as no indication. Its not good news but not bad either.

Now as I made clear in earlier posts I couldn’t care less about the results, my job was to complete treatment whilst taking 100% of my meds and that I did. However, dear reader, I must confess that was a complete and total lie. Really if truth be told I’m only interested in “winning”, 2nd place [or as I prefer "first of the losers"] isn’t a target I’m interested in…at all.

So it seems that with the odds stacked against me, and pretty heavily at that, all I’m doing is awaiting the inevitable failure, the crushing, painful, soul searing defeat of a relapse and the return of the virus.

So what to do….brace yourself ready for the first wave of despondency, pick yourself off the floor [because it will knock you down], brush yourself off, bite down hard on the mouthguard and get back into the fight. Now keep this to yourself, at least from my wife, but I’m almost looking forward to relapse. After I have come to terms with the crushing blow [maybe 30 seconds, 45 tops] I’ll enjoy getting back into the fight, feeling the adrenaline surging again…..rage is a wonderful and very underrated emotion.

Back to more important matters I have new teeth. The old ones just weren’t up to scratch particularly from the angle of a Dr deciding who gets the spare liver if transplant day ever arrives. You see I have a theory that all other things being equal the person with the best teeth gets the prize, and if biggest equals best then that liver is already mine.

The teeth were another lesson in communicating with medical people, you have to be crystal clear. I said ‘Hollywood smile”, he said “no problem”, the thing is I was thinking Brad Pitt, he was thinking Jim Carey in The Mask.

Another surprise since finishing treatment has been a big increase in the thickness of my hair, always flat and lank on treatment but now big and bouncy, almost bouffant like. It also seems to be changing colour, it looks in all honesty like its been dyed especially when contrasted with the grey showing on my unshaven chin.

So lets put that all together and confess my deepest darkest fear, after all this is a blog I should be able to talk about such things. The big teeth, the bouffant hair, the unshaven chin……well, you can tell by the way I use my walk I’m slowly turning in to Barry Gibb, Barry Fcuking Gibb!

I’ll cope dear friends, I’ll cope [but only just].

So what’s a man look like 3 weeks after treatment, here is your usual pic [taken just yesterday].

Your inspiration for this week….

No one has ever drowned in sweat.
~ Lou Holtz

Keep the faith, kill the virus.

Oh did I say one more jab

Everything is just fine although as the finish line has got ever closer things have been a little tougher. I have deliberately not worked out what my finish date is, just so I don’t get too hung up about finishing, but when its this close it gets harder to forget when it is. Exceptional busy at work which to be frank I could do without but responsibilities are responsibilities, treatment or not.

Seems to have been a lot of bad news in the world of late that can get you down. First we had the passing of James Brown [drug addict & wife beater], then Saddam Hussein [Iraqi patriot & freedom fighter], finally the surprising news that H from steps is actually gay came as another blow. Boy was I shocked.

Not much of an update I know but no a great deal happening, although I have got myself a new outfit as a reward for finishing, see below [I must trim the beard].

Your inspiration for this week, should you choose to accept it;

Winning isn’t always finishing first. Sometimes winning is just finishing.

- Manuel Diotte

And btw, keep the faith, kill the virus.

And btw, btw did I say I’ve just got one jab left?

Firstly to everybody in the north of my home town a few weeks ago. While I have no doubt that somebody needed teaching some manners, in retrospect blocking off both lanes of a busy road at rush hour whist I proceeded to do so and have what can only be described as a temper tantrum, was maybe not the wisest thing to do.

Still I like to learn from every experience, from this I learnt 3 things;

1. Whilst at the time you think you are performing like Mike Tyson at his most intimidating, hindsight makes you realise it was more on a scale of a drunken teenage girlfriend outside a nightclub in the small hours screaming “leave it he’s had enough.”

2. The local radio traffic reports provide an excellent service in routing people away from areas where loons have blocked the highways.

3. Even in rush hour on a Friday night there is nobody in a the 100’s of cars caught up in it with the bollocks to get out their car and point out that somebodies behavior is unacceptable.

Second apology is of course for not updating the blog! I have been really really busy at both work and increasingly at home and of course the longer you leave it the more their is to update. Anyways back on track and you HepCBoy junkies can hopefully look forward to a more regular fix.

On the good news side I have 3 [thats right 3] injections left after tonight, that makes me smile or more accurately laugh. I could do 3 injections all in one go, in the dark, into my left testicle, whilst riding a unicycle and playing pinball.

In other news I’m finally ready, 3 more injections giving 72 weeks of treatment is enough, I don’t want to do any more. Partly that is to do with some creeping sides that worry me a little. Insomnia has returned, the skin reaction from my injection has got much worse, I’m getting a few flair ups of a psoriasis type thing on my face etc a couple times a week and other minor bits and bobs. It feels to me as if my body is giving the signal of enough is enough. Auto immune stuff is the one thing that has worried me during treatment, in essence its when the body starts to attack itself. The reason it worries me so much is that if I am as tough as I think I am then how can I fight myself

Christmas, or more accurately the week and a half off, has been a god send. It really took my mind off being so near the finish line and allowed me to get a lot of rest, that old tiredness thing really can drag you down.

Which brings me to the title of this post.

Ali is fighting Forman in the Rumble in the Jungle, his tactic is to let George beat him up until George is so tired that Ali simply knocks him out. Brilliant if a little risky. Now I think my treatment so far has been very much like that fight, sometimes I have been Ali, sometimes Forman. Before Christmas I was feeling like Forman, it was well into the fight and Ali had been taunting , trying to get him to punch himself out. It had worked and as Ali tells it Forman was leaning on the ropes showing his tiredness, Ali saw this and whispered to him “”This is the wrong place to get tired, George”. And he was right. Thats where I was before Christmas but as in Formans case its the wrong place for me to get tired too, so excuse the language but fuck tiredness, I’ve gone pedal to the metal and am not aiming to crawl over that finish line….I’m going to sail over it, strong, smiling and of course with a little style.

Thats it for now, those who know me will be surprised but sometimes I get a little bored of talking about myself [not often :)].

Your inspiration for this week is the following video featuring yours truly. When a bunch of Playas gets together you just never know when a party will break out. And yes that is a strobe on my scooter and no yuo cannot afford.

[the action really starts to hit it about 1 min 12 seconds in]

Oh and remember, keep the faith, kill the virus.

Just so very, very busy and will try and update the blog over the Christmas break for all you HepCBoy groupies.

Remember
This December,
That love weighs more than gold!

~ Josephine Dodge Daskam Bacon

Fitter, faster, stronger and tireder is the continuing theme

Not a great week last week but not really down to the hep c, both kids were ill and to be honest that stresses me more than words can say. For me at least the health and well-being of my family is my primary responsilbity. That doesn’t just mean making sure they have a roof over their head, that means that when they go in hospital they come out alive. The Doctors and staff are there to help for sure but it’s my responsilbility to spot if things aren’t going to plan and step in if needed. Sometimes all that is needed is a friendly smile, sometimes you need to dangle somebody out a window, the trick is knowing which tactic to take and at which time and you must get it right 100% of the time. That takes a heavy toll on me both physically and mentally.

On the good news side it has enabled me in the past to zoom at 100 miles an hour down the local streets, I could do the just over 3 miles from our old house to the hospital in under 4 mins. If you are looking for fun not much beats those sort of speeds knowing that you can’t afford a mistake, it brings a clarity of vison and purpose that I have only ever experienced with artificial means. So if you ever see a very smart boy, pretty but in a mans way, speeding down the back streets it won’t be the Babylon it might be me.

Finished the new office at work for me and my business partner, its a great working enviroment and I’m really enjoying it. As an added bonus it also keeps me away from the staff which I’m sure they are all happy about [just a hunch from spotting the champagne corks in the main office].

So now last week is out the way everything is good. I think a large part of my feeling great is that the football season is well underway, it does make a difference. I have also discovered the delights of Cobra Alcohol free beer. You have to be careful with such beers as almost none are truly alcohol free but this one is 0%. Its also been an education in the sheer power of the placebo effect because it makes me feel as drunk as if I had been imbibing Special Brew. One bottle and I’m a bit giggerly, two and I’m amourous, three and I’m wanting to fight everybody….just like Special Brew

So targets for this week is to hammer it at work, pick my excercise schedule back up after nothing at all for the past 2 weeks and remind my Daughter she is 9 not 19. I know, I know, I’m on a loser with the Daughter but remember I am Superman after all. Don’t believe me eh? Pictorial proof is below, my hair is a little longer now days though.

You inspiration this week is this little ditty;

Life is mostly froth and bubble,
Two things stand like stone,
Kindness in another’s trouble,
Courage in your own.

- Adam Lindsay Gordon

Keep the faith, kill the virus.

Fitter, faster, stronger is the current vibe and its working out well, I can’t remember the last time I felt as good as this. The tiredness is still just this side of overwhelming and to a large extent ignorable but if I had one wish I would like another couple of hours adding to the day [well if I had just one wish I would wish for more wishes but, well, ya know..obviously] , I could do with grabbing a mid-day nap but you can’t have it all.

Sneaked away to Copenhagen last week for a few days, ostensibly on buiness but really just an excuse to meet up with some dear old friends from all over the world and talk shop. Coped pretty well apart from the odd bit of zoning out and of course pwned the rest of the world in matters satorial, some things just never change. Only downside was having to take off shoes through airport security, fair enough but the least they could do is provide shoe horns to put them back on, after all we are not animals. If you’re wondering Copenhagen is really wonderful, wonderful.

Got my PCR result back and that was still negative for the virus, which was nice. Also slipped in the regular ultrasound check for the lumps of death and that was all clear too, which was also nice.

By coincidence this weeks boyrant™ is about the ultrasound. Not the procedure itself, thats always the same its the preamble that gets on my wick. I’m a boy who likes to come prepared but the clothing “rules” change everytime I go. First time it was just a matter of slipping the backless gown over my shirt, second time it was shirt off gown on, third time nothing at all I just took my shirt off in the ultrasound room. Each time I’ve come prepared and each time not needed to, this last time I didn’t take anything with me. This week it was strip down to underpants time, just makes me so mad. If I wanted to idle away the afternoons lounging about bare foot in a cheap dirty dressing gown, reading old copies of celebrity gossip magazines while watching the clock tick by I would have become a single mum. Next time I’m going with my own rules, the NHS will simply have to fall into line!

In further news my wife has suddenly noticed that I have the worlds thinnest legs, they could accuratly be described as comedy legs. She has taken great delight in pointing this out to all her friends and makes me show them while they all giggle inanely. A number of names have been entered in the little black book including the wifes

Lots more but time is against me. Only got 17 weeks left which to be frank I could do walking on my hands. So….if you see a boy [handsome in a way which could best be descibed as pretty, tall, slim and impecably dressed in the finest Italian hand made cloth] walking about on his hands come and say hello!

This weeks inspiration is especially for our ex-drug abusing readers.

Don’t worry, don’t worry. Look at the Astors and the Vanderbilts, all those big society people. They were the worst thieves-and now look at them. It’s just a matter of time.

- Meyer Lansky

Keep the faith, kill the virus.

if you buy a hat should you wash it first? - WTF!

a desiese that attacks your liver and makes your eyes yellow - The heppers dream final question on Who Wants to be a Millionaire

little liver boy - Looking for me?

nice hepatitis c treatment histology - Shame as I have a nasty one going cheap

hapatitis c mushrooms - Nice with a rare steak

poop is yellow mean that i have hepatitis - Either that or too much sweetcorn

I can tell you this, hitting 48 weeks of treatment sucks. You think you have done a year but of course its just 11 months, “making up” those extra 4 weeks really drags, its like a waste of 4 weeks.

Apart from that I have been just great! Putting the tiredness aside [which you have to as you can't beat it] I have felt better than at any point since being on treatment. To say I’m feeling strong may be an exagration, but not by much, and I must admit to feeling more optimistic about the future than I have since the beginning, SVR or no SVR. Its come at a good time too, with the kids back at school and those after-school activities starting again I need to feel strong, its hard work!

In other news I have lost my hospital car parking space. It was only a matter of time as I have been parking in a nearby Pub car park the past year but the last time got captured. I had just parked up when the Landlady came over, attitude in tow, and said “you can’t park there”. I was flaggergasted as I just had. Of course I pointed this out, only trying to help her fine tune her use of the English language, I’m just too nice for my own good. She shot back with a “move the car or get a £60 fine” line, so summoning up all of my maturity I said “I’ll take the fine…slag” and walked off to my appointment. Now here is a little tip, if you are the sort of person who goes through life with an attitude you need to make sure you back it up, put some meat on the bones of your idle threats. Otherwise people like me come back to their car expecting to find it clamped only to realise you were all mouth and no trousers. Still it was probably for the best, I would have burnt the Pub to the ground otherwise, didn’t think she was smart enough to have seen that in my eyes.

The biggest bit of good news happened last week, Wednesday about 8pm. From nowhere a rage, the like of which I haven’t felt since beginning treatment, washed over me. The wife and kids were in the house at the time which was the only thing that stopped me from going loco and smashing the place up . It was wonderful, like being alive again, feeling the testosterone coursing through my veins, the adrenaline surging…..just wonderful.

Now for some bad news. The sad news that a legend of the entertainment world had died, no not that Aussie twat, a true legend, a giant of a man, Charlie Williams MBE. For few reasons I’ve always kept an eye out for Charlie over the years. He was a favourite of my grandparents, the spitting image of my grandad and a miner like much of my family. Also he was in many ways an inspiration, a mixed race child growing up in a Yorkshire mining village in the 1930’s, going on to become a professional footballer and then a top comic and TV entertainer. That doesn’t sound like the easiest course you could take through life.

I think our Charlie isn’t held in too high an esteem by todays chattering classes, I think his act would be considered a little old school by modern standards. Thats a great shame and a mistake that I think will be corrected over time. I think it was his gags like replying to a heckler with the threat “If you don’t shut up, I’ll move in next door to you.” that garnered him that reputation. Its a shame because that was a funny line in its day, funny because it was true, not funny today because its no longer true.

The main reason I kept an eye out for Charlie though was because he gave one of the greatest replies to a question I have ever heard. He was asked if he was any good at playing Football, he pondered and replied “no, but I was good at stopping those who were”. I like that quote, a lot!

So thats about it, 18 and a bit weeks to go and getting fitter, faster and stronger as time passes. Hopefully a bit nastier too as I have been too much like Rocky Balboa at the beginning of Rocky 3, I need to be a bit nastier if I am to beat Clubber Lang.

So onto your inspiration for this week, apart from Charlie Williams of course, a double header to make up for the last few weeks.

First up Derek Redmond, a great example of finishing what you started. Its good but I can only give it 8/10. Minus 1 for crying, don’t get me wrong I’m not a neanderthal, I accept that its fine for a man to cry in public but only in certain circumstances. Tweaking a hamstring ain’t one of them. Minus another point for failing to dip at the line, unacceptable

And finally this may be a little upsetting but it puts things in perspective, helps focus the mind on what we are fighting for. Read the first post here, just a fragment of a sentence but more moving for that.

Keep the faith, kill the virus.

Got another PCR test next week, just to make sure the virus is still undetectable. To be honest I’m not sure what I would do if it came back, instinct is to press on to 72 weeks anyway but as you may be able to tell I’m not sure. Still its all hypothetical at the moment….. although my ALT’s have been on the rise the last couple months, joint pain has returned and I can feel my liver when I lay down. Having said that [apart from the alts] its fairly typical for me when a PCR looms, as they say….. if you think something is in your mind you are almost always right.

To be honest though I’m passed caring, but in a positive way. This final stretch is just about keeping my guard up, moving forward and finding the strength to keep throwing the punches.

So onwards and upwards keeping in mind that whatever happens, no matter which way it goes, no matter what life throws at you the number one thing to remember is simply;

Muggsy Bogues is 5′3″.

Keep the faith, kill the virus.